Previously I made a post about my experience with a crashed Praxis test and the anxiety and panic caused by that. At the time I thought that was going to be the worst moment of my life for some time. Well this weekend I was proven wrong.
In most respects it was a totally normal weekend. I spent time with my boyfriend, I did homework, played video games, went shopping, and did some exercising. But there was one small moment on Saturday that stands out. It is the moment that, in all honesty, defined the weekend for me.
When I woke up Saturday morning, I had an email on my phone. Not too different from normal but the email came from the Praxis testing company letting me know that my scores had been posted and I could now view them. My heart stopped. I just stared at my phone for a good 5 minutes at least. I could not make myself do anything but stare at the notification letting me know that the test that decides what my immediate future looks like was graded.
So many thoughts were flying through my head. What if I didn’t pass? What would that mean? Would I be taking the test again any time soon? Or would I just wait a bit to let myself recover from the failure? Would I go to work everyday? Or would I take some classes at school to occupy my time? What were the next few months going to look like? Was I going to have to tell my family I wouldn’t be graduating in May like planned? Or had I passed? Had I done well enough to go into my internship? Was that worry for nothing? But then came the thoughts about if I had passed. Would I do well during my internship? Would I make it to the end? Would I pass my PLT, when it came time for that? So many questions like this flashed through my mind. I just didn’t know what to think. There was so much riding on this one score.
But I finally got up the courage to click on that notification and go to my account to check my score. Of course in my panic I couldn’t remember my username and password so I had to do all the recovery junk for that. Which took some time. But once I got into the site I stopped again. All the previous thoughts brought back to the forefront as I pressed the link to view my scores. As soon as I pressed the button I closed my eyes because I just couldn’t look. I was so scared.
I opened one eye and then the other. And I PASSED!!! I saw the score and the check stating that I had passed. An instant wave of relief crashed through my body. I had to tell someone! It was the best possible outcome and I needed to share with my boyfriend, family, and friends. And I am so thankful that this was the outcome for me.